I love kids, when I get near them
I love kids who are polite and say “Hello!”
I love kids, with their eyes so clear
Kids who promise not to tattle,
For some candy or a rattle,
But these days it’s such a battle,
All the children “just say NO!”
There are old kids who suspect me
And younger kids who don’t
There are some who come for cookies,
And smarter ones who won’t
Some tots have got some purity
But today’s kids, they’re no fools,
Good Lord! Someone’s been teaching them!
Could it be, …No!... the SCHOOLS!!?
At recess time last Tuesday, there was this little girl
A tiny second-grader with long and bouncy curls
She wanted to play Doctor. She said “Turn your head and
When I turned back, my watch was gone! The Doctor ripped
Still I love kids who don’t ask questions
I love kids who indecency affects
I love kids who take suggestions
Kids whose parents taught ’em
That is was the stork who brought ’em
Kids who never have a thought ’em
About, you know, - S-E-X!!
I must be getting rusty, losing my finesse
I no longer get reactions from the kids when I undress
So I flashed the city playground, YES! I knew I’d finally won!
But three little monsters mooned me while the others cheered
So don’t give rides to children, especially ones who smile
Don’t let them eat your candy til you’ve known them for awhile
Don’t let them touch your trenchcoat with their clammy
And never drink the lemonade they sell at roadside stands!!
Now I hate kids when I get near them
These Sex Ed classes have taught them much too much!
Like tiny therapists that you can’t trust
I hate children of all ages,
We should lock the brats in cages
Make this city less outrageous for the decent folks LIKE US!!
Written by Peter Alsop 1982