UnpublishedSongs

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PETER ALSOP’S

UNRELEASED SONGS

Check It Out One Foot Out The Door

Dyin’ To Be Thin A Porsche And A Potbelly

Grace So-So Security

I Love Kids Trust Me

Life Is An Oyster William Tell

On Your Own You Were Somebody’s Baby

CHECK IT OUT!

Chorus:

Check it out! Check it out!

Bass: When you got a doubt

Check it out! Check it out!

Kid: What's it all about?

Check it out! Check it out!

Bass: When you got a doubt

Check it, check it, check it, check it,

Check it, check it out!

Some times my feelings get confused

When I hear something on the news

About some kid like me who died

From drugs, from booze, from suicide

Bass: It must be true! It's on TV!

An m'television wouldn't lie to me

But I got friends who smoke and drink

So I don't know what I should think

Chorus

I ask my Mom when I don't know

I check with the lady at the grocery store

I ask my Grandpa why he drinks

My Grandma tells me what she thinks!

I ask my relatives and friends

I call up two librarians

I talk to my friend, Bill the cop

Bass: Hey, sometimes I just ask my Pop!

Chorus

So I try not to get uptight

When something does not feel right

Information's what I need,

So I go lookin' for a book to read

I listen to the news on radio

To find out what I need t'know

I listen to opinions too, ...BUT,

Bass: 'Cause someone says it, don't mean it's true!

Cho: Check it out! Check it out!

Bass: When you got a doubt

Check it out! Check it out!

Kids: Ev'rybody shout!

Check it out! Check it out!

Bass: When you got a doubt

Check it, check it, check it, check it,

Check it, check it out!

This song was written as the title song for a documentary on anorexia and bulimia for WVIA TV.

It won the PBS *Iris Award* for excellence.

DYING_TO_BE_THIN!

Dyin' to be thin! Dyin' to be thin!

Ev'rybody gonna love me when I'm nothin' but skin!

Fat, fat, fat! Good-bye fat!

I'm gonna look yummy when my tummy is flat!

I wanna look like, the lady in the ad!

With a little tiny hiney, gonna be so bad!

Ev'rybody gonna love my skinny thighs,

And my big, sexy, sunken eyes!

Tough, tough, tough! Gotta get tough!

So I punish my body but it's never enough!

Dyin' to be thin! Dyin' to be thin!

Ev'rybody gonna love me when I'm a skeleton!

(She's a maniac, maniac!)

I wanna be young and I wanna be sweet

And I wanna be special, so I don't wanna eat!

I'm going on a fast! I'm goin' on a diet!

An' you can't stop me, so you better not try it!

(You look simply marvelous Darling!)

Sweat, sweat, sweat! Gotta lotta sweat!

I lost a couple pounds, but I ain't there yet!

Weight, weight, weight, gotta lose weight!

I starve myself, and then I celebrate

Drinkin' diet root beer, eatin' diet meat,

Lickin' diet ice cream, cool and sweet!

Suckin' diet candy, but I gotta stay thin, so,

I throw it all out, and start my diet again!

Sick, sick, sick! I'm a little bit sick!

But when I'm boney, no baloney, hey!! I'm gonna look slick!

Dyin' to be thin! Dyin' to be thin!

Ev'rybody gonna love me when I'm nothin' but skin!

(I'm gonna be beautiful and happy and successful, if it's the LAST thing I do!)

Dyin' to be thin! Dyin'!!

Inspired by a little printed “Grace” card that came on my plastic tray of

plastic airplane food. (Remember way back then?)

GRACE

Let's all bow our heads so we may give thanks

For polysorbate in our beans and franks

For salad dressing all shiny and brown

With mono-diglycerides t'help it slide down!

Chorus:

Grace! Grace! For what the Lord gives!

May the Saints all preserves us with preservatives!

Grace! Grace! Give thanks! Open wide!

Our chances are better when God's on our side!

Fill me with loving, steroids and meat

Sodium benzoate, saccharin treats

May your mercy be with me while I eat this junk,

If my system's not stronger than my faith, I'm sunk!

Chorus

Now my soul deep within me, prepare for the worst

Will God bless this stuff that the processor's curst?

Will BHT and MSG give me gas?

Did food treated like this make Christ's supper his last?

Grace! Grace! For the food that we eat

St. Peter's salt peter makes it complete!

Grace! Grace! With all due respects

Please grant us salvations from residual effects!

Grace! Grace! Protect us dear Lord!

Is this spoonful of sugar our final reward?

Grace! Grace! We know not what we do!

Deliver us Lord, from the evil we chew!

Oooh-nooo!

Originally for a character in a play that was never completed, I especially like the twist of perspective.

It’s gone through many rewrites, as it’s such a delicate subject.

I LOVE KIDS

I love kids when I get near them

I love kids who are polite and say “Hello!”

I love kids with their eyes so clear

Kids who promise not to tattle

For some candy or a rattle

But these days it’s such a battle,

All the kids, they “just say NO!!”

There are old kids who suspect me

And younger kids who don’t

There are some who come for cookies

And smarter ones who won’t!

Some tots have got some purity

But today's kids are no fools,

Good Lord! Someone's been teaching them!

I hope it's not our SCHOOLS!!

At a Girl Scout jamboree last week

I met this little girl

A pudgy second-grader

With long and bouncy curls

She wanted to play Doctor; she said

"Turn your head and cough!" (A-hem!)

When I turned back, my watch was gone

The Doctor ripped me off!

Still I love kids who don't ask questions

I love kids, obedient and kind,

I love kids who take suggestions,

Kids whose parents taught 'em

That it was the stork who brought 'em,

Kids who like the toys I bought’em,

Kids like that are hard to find!

I must be getting rusty

Losing my finesse

I no longer get reactions from

The kids when I undress

So I flashed the city playground!!!

I was sure that they would run!

But three little monsters mooned me

While the others cheered them on!!

So don't give rides to children!

Especially ones who smile!

Don't let them eat your candy

Til you've known them for awhile

Don't let them touch your trench coat

With their clammy little hands

And never drink the lemonade

They sell at roadside stands!!

Now I hate kids

When I get near them

Those Sex Ed classes have

Taught them much too much!

Like tiny therapists

That you can't trust

I hate children of all ages,

We should lock the brats in cages

Make this city less outrageous

For the decent folks LIKE US!!

Ralph Waite wrote, directed and produced a feature film called “On The Nickel” about alcoholics living on 5th Avenue

in downtown Los Angeles. I worked as a production assistant and wrote songs for the film that Ralph had me play for

the crew everyday. Unfortunately, I wasn’t skilled at working the nuances of the film business, and my music was

pre-empted by a nervous producer in favor of someone with a track record. Oh well.

This song was written to go along with the Mission rescue scene, where you could get a free meal if you’d sit through a sermon.

LIFE IS AN OYSTER

You know that life,

Life is an oyster!

Yes it's true! It's true! It's true!!

And it's hard!

So very hard and cold,

When that shell is locking you,

On the outside!!

Life!

Life is an oyster!

Where that pearl of love can hide!

Sometimes, you find it waiting for you!

Sometimes,

There's just a mess inside!

You know that life,

Life is an oyster!

And Jesus, Jesus holds the knife!

He can slit, He can slit that mutha for you,

He can open, He can open up your life,

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Life!

Life is an oyster!

Though your's looks slimey and grey

Close your eyes!

Pretend it's ice cream!

You can swallow anything

If you swallow what we say!

Written for the birth of my first daughter, Megan.

ON YOUR OWN

I cut the cord that tied you

I set you on the road

I can try to be a harbor

When the sea winds drive you home

I'm a place to lay your head

When you're weary to the bone

So stop yourself and rest awhile

Hug me than you're gone,

On your own, on your own

You sail off to somewhere

You know my love will be there

And you'll never be alone

On your own.

I can't catch you when you stumble

I can only catch your tears

I must wait outside the dark maze

Of your broken-hearted years

And watch for lightning flashes

Of your joys and conquered fears

I listen to your life-song

Sing it strong and clear,

Chorus

There's a promised forged within me

To let you go your ways

To love you without guilt

And to guide you with my praise

You are my most precious treasures

And pleasure never stays

So I hold with open hand

And bless you all your days,

Chorus

ONE FOOT OUT THE DOOR

Chorus

One foot out the door, makes you feel so safe

One foot out the door, you don't get no place!

When you say you're leaving, it ain't no fair

Fighting's no fun, but it cleans the air

So if you got to fight with your lover or friend

Open up that door, and put both feet in!

Chorus

With one foot out and one foot in

Though you get your way, maybe you don't win

So when you feel like running, swallow your pride

To love somebody, y'gotta work all night!

Chorus

Break

So take my advice, never raise your hand,

Treat your woman nice, care about your man

And when the fighting's over, when you lick your sores,

You'll find you're loving, better than before!

Chorus (2x)

A song that didn’t make it into our Pie In The Sky play.

A PORSCHE AND A POTBELLY

Chorus:

I got a Porsche and a potbelly

It's the great American dream

I got a Porsche and a potbelly

And someone t'keep 'em both clean!

Now I ain't lookin' for times t'get lean

I'm kinda fonda my mid-rift bulge

And I love my machine!

You all laughed at me back when

My car was old and funny

Now y'gotta take me serious, yeah,

'Cause I got lotsa money!

I've been crankin' out a bank account

Instead of squeakin' by

Let's eat and drink and PAAARRR-TY!!

Let's party 'til we die!! Whoooo!

C'mere Babe, I'm a real man

'Cause I can pay your way

And you know I love you Honey,

Long as you do what I say!

Now m'job ain't great, but who's complainin'?

Uh-uh, Man, not me! I got the

Goose with the golden eggs by the neck,

The "yolk's" on you, not me!!!

Chorus

I got a Porsche and a potbelly

And lotsa gasoline,

And I don't eat "lean cuisine!"

(Spoken: Hey, you got a cigarette? Thanks!

Got a light? Alll-riiight! )

SO-SO_SECURITY

tune of "The Hoochie Coo"

I put a lil' bit in

They take a lil' bit out

I put a lil' more in

They say "There's never any doubt!"

I'll get mine when I retire,

But there's nothin' left for me,

That's "so-so security!"

The cost of food goes up

And then m'car breaks down

Then my rent goes up

And my bills have got me down, (cough)

I'd go to see the doctor

But I can't afford the fee,

That's "so-so security!"

Then when it fin'ly comes

And I need new clothes

There's nothin' there but crumbs

That's the way it goes

In Salvation Army style

I'm as sharp as I can be!

That's "so-so security!"

Oh yeah, "so-so security!"

This was written for a musical stage version of Pinnocchio. Dishonest John and his sidekick sing this to the puppet.

TRUST ME

Trust me, have I ever steered you wrong?

Trust me, have I led you astray?

Trust me, and you’ll have a friend as long as you

Trust meeeee!

Hey, it’s just me

And believe me, you can

Trust me, trust me, trust me

Wha’d’ya say?

If you’ve got any reservations

Well then we might as well forget it

Our credentials are impeccable

We’re reliable, don’t sweat it!

Trust me, what’s a little money

Trust me, why, you’re dealing with friends

Trust me, aww, you know I love you honey

Trust me, you know you can depend

Hey it’s just me

And believe me, you can

Trust me, trust me, trust me

Til the end!

The more you render unto Caesar

The more that Caesar spends

The lofty, nobel thing to do

Is to spend it on your friends!

Maybe we didn’t tell you right the last time

But without our help, you know you’d fall right through

Didn’t we help you out

Didn’t we throw you out a life line

We’d expected a little more gratitude

From a liberal like you!

So trust me, your best in’trests are at heart

Trust me, so glad to lend a hand

Trust me, aww, now you’re being smart

Trust me, (this is better than we planned!)

Hey it’s just me

And believe me, you can

Trust me, trust me, trust me

Understand! Understand? Understand!!!

Who are our heroes these days?

WILLIAM TELL

In the town of Altdorf in Switzerland they say

That William Tell went walking with his little son one day

The Hapsburgs ruled the land, their hat hung in the town

But William Tell was proud and free and he would not bow down!

William Tell was proud and free, ... and he would not bow down!

Yodel-eh-ee-ti, yodel-eh-ee, yodel-eh-ee-ti, yodel-ay

They took him to the square where his punishment was read

Saying “You must shoot this apple that we set on your son’s head!”

The Gov’ner he just laughed, but the farmer stood so still

When he saw the frightened eyes of the son that he might kill

He took two arrows out, and he laid one in his bow

The he split the apple neatly, still they would not let him go,

“Two arrows?” asked the Gov’ner, and William Tell remarked

“If I’d missed with the first, you’d wear the second in your heart!”

He had to go to prison, the Gov’ner gave the order

But a storm came up and William Tell escaped into the water

Later when that tyrant rode along a pathway narrow

William Tell sprang out and killed him with that second arrow!

Chorus

Now William Tell’s a hero to ev’ry little child

Who grows up a politician of a business man who smiles

Or a banker or a housewife who never would rebell

And they all bow down to power and their hero’s William Tell!

We build our heros statues, and their deeds are widely spread

No need to feel guilty when your heros are all dead!

Shall our heros just be stories that the rich folks print and sell

Or can we act with courage when we think of William Tell?

Shall our heros just be stories that the rich folks print and sell

Or can we act with courage, ... when we think of William Tell?

Chorus

Another song from “On The Nickel”.

YOU WERE SOMEBODY’S BABY

You were somebody’s baby

A long, long time ago

When you wet yourself, they dried you

When y’cried they brought the bottle, that satisfied you

You were somebody’s baby,

But baby where’s that bottle now?

You were somebody’s baby

A long, long time ago

When you started walkin’ someone held out their hand

Now you’re on your own, and you can hardly stand, oh

You were somebody’s baby,

But baby where’s that hand-out now?

You were somebody’s baby

A long, long time ago

You were just as cute as a pea

You were just as warm and just as happy, just as you should be, oh

You were somebody’s baby,

But baby where’s that “just-as” now?

You were somebody’s baby

A long, long time ago

Someone used to hug and hold you

And smother you with kisses, they’d never scold you, yasss

You were somebody’s baby,

But baby where’s that somebody now?!!