DR. PETER ALSOP’S
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SONGS ON SEX AND SEXUALITY – (Double CD)
SEX and SEXUALITY – ONE
Gender, Sexual Orientation & Relationships
Baby Needs A Parent Single parenting
It’s Only A Wee-Wee, So What’s the Big Deal? Sex role conditioning
Let The Woman In You Come Through Androgeny
Buddies Love regardless of gender
Hopelessly Heterosexual Curiosity with respect
My Secret Out of hiding
Country & Western Transylvania Love Song Feeling used & getting even
Doin It For You Male chauvinism
I Hope You Understand Dear Breaking up with a computer
Man Oh Man I Can One-sided romance
Lists Left-brain passion
When You Ask Me First Initiating sex
Peter Comments on the songs
SEX and SEXUALITY - TWO
Adolescence, Self Discovery & Sexual Abuse
Good Time Loneliness of a seduction
It’s My Penis (Geof Morgan) Healing song for men
Don’t Put Your Hand In My Pants Setting healthy boundaries
Look At The Ceiling Dissociation during incest
Love Is The Only Medicine Love heals sexual wounds
My Body Self empowerment
Letter To Mr. Brown Kids need appropriate touching
Back Up! Self-care when uncomfortable
Strangers Abduction prevention
Let’s Trade Butts Accepting ourselves
Give Yourself A Hand Sexual harrassment alternative
My Father’s Top Drawer Pornography
Peter Comments on the songs
IT’S MY PENIS
by Geof Morgan
What's that hangin' down between my legs?
Looks like a sausage between two hard boiled eggs!
And sculptors usually got it covered with leaves
Now I wonder what it could be?
Oh! It's my penis! My penis!
Y'see how much has truly come between us
It's my penis, my penis!
Let's start again, and this time be friends!
Some say you're a symbol of power and hate
And some say you're a weapon to dominate
But you don't look that mean to me
When y'draw in the snow with my pee!
Chorus (C’mon, give it a try! It's not hard!)
Now you don’t have to get it up like there's a record to prove
Limp or erect, it still feels good
And all that guilt's just a-holdin' you down
It's not a contest for cryin' out loud!
Chorus (See?! You're gettin' the hang of it!)
Well we needed this talk, little penis-to-heart
We're on the same body but so far apart
And even though I'm here a-talkin' to you
Y'know we're really one and not two!
Chorus (Follow the bouncing balls!)
Written by Geof Morgan, ©1980, Geof Morgan
DON’T PUT YOUR HAND IN MY PANTS,
JUST ‘CAUSE WE’RE IN LOVE
Don’t put your hand in my pants
Just ‘cause we’re in love
Don’t put your hand in my pants
I just wanna be hugged
Please hold my hand when we kiss
I’m so tired of tugging your wrist
Don’t put your hand in my pants
Just ‘cause we're in love
The night is full of stars
My heart is full of love
But romance starts to fade
When you grab and grope and tug!
Like Boy Scouts on parade,
Like the Army Marching Band
Your fingers think they’re crusaders
Heading for the Holy Land!
Don’t put your hand in my pants
Just ‘cause we’re in love
Don’t put your hand in my pants
I just wanna be hugged
As you gaze deeply into my eyes
Your fingers keep creeping up on my thighs!
No, don’t put your hand in my pants
Just ‘cause we're in love!
I just want to snuggle
You just want to play
Your one hand's on my zipper
And your other hand is, HEY!!
I say “No!” but you don’t stop
You feel “IN LOVE!” you say?
Well I feel that you’re not listening
So feel your own, okay!!? and,
Don’t put your hand in my pants
Just ‘cause we’re in love
If you’ve got icy fingers
Buy yourself a glove!
When I asked, if y’knew how I felt
I meant in my heart, not under my belt!
No, don’t put your hand in my pants
Just ‘cause we're in love!
Birds are singing, bells are ringing
It must be Spring, you’re after my thing!
No! Don’t put your hand in my pants
Just ‘cause we’re in love!!
Written by Peter Alsop, ©1990, Moose School Music (BMI)
PETER COMMENTS ON THE SONGS
1. BABY NEEDS A PARENT is a song for single parents. Single parenting can be overwhelming and lonely at times, but it can also be less complicated when you don’t have to deal with the other parent. Some single parents buy things for their children to compensate for the loss of the other parent, but kids don’t need more stuff, they need a well-adjusted adult in their life who loves them and can model a full range of healthy emotions.
Some single parent homes have produced some very well-balanced children, including homes with gay and lesbian parents. Children who grow up in such a home do not automatically become homosexual themselves, because as these special parents point out, "Gee, we grew up with heterosexual parents; that didn't influence our sexual orientation.”
2. IT'S ONLY A WEE-WEE is about sex role conditioning. What’s the first question we ask when a baby’s born? "Is it a boy or a girl?" It starts right away. Adults make much more of a big deal about sex than kids do, so this is song’s really to get adults thinking about our gender stereotypes. It’s obvious that the range of human sexual behavior, identity and orientation is not limited by our genitalia.
3. LET THE WOMAN IN YOU COME THROUGH addresses the fact that many men feel a need to appear tough or "macho" to avoid teasing or ridicule. We know that if a boy cries or shows any gentleness, he risks being called a "sissy". Why should acting like someone's sister be taken as the worst kind of insult? Male fear and negativity about women in our culture doesn’t make much sense. Our bodies make both estrogen and androgen, and gentle, nurturing behaviors are exhibited by both genders, especially when they’re encouraged.
4. BUDDIES is about having close friends to talk to, as a major part of our safety net during difficult times. It’s essential to have a “family of choice” to support us. This is a song for buddies we love, regardless of their gender. If you’re bothered by the reference to alcohol in the line, “You're a mug of cold beer!", change it to, "God, I wish you were here!". Some of us medicate with alcohol, while others preoccupy ourselves with relationship difficulties.
5. The humor of HOPELESSLY HETEROSEXUAL, comes out of the heterosexual man's homophobia clashing with his sexual curiosity, not from any ridicule or negativity. Gay men and lesbians in our culture face incredible rejection, because our society is so "hopelessly heterosexual". This song’s good for discussons on heterosexism and homophobia, to friendship, male bonding and the origins of our sexuality. There are things about ourselves that we don’t choose; things we discover as we go on living. Our sexual orientation is one of them. Why would a twelve year old boy choose to be gay, when he knows he’ll be shunned by his straight friends? The marvelous process of exploring and discovering our sexuality is severely squashed by the traditional sex role expectations in our culture.
6. MY SECRET addresses closed-mindedness. It’s about acting out sexually, something we all do to some degree or another. Some people act out very secretly. When we have secrets and feel the need to hide what we are doing, it's usually because we’re ashamed. Shame is about who we are, and there’s nothing wrong with who we are! We’re each on our own path, with our own obstacles and our own work to do. People who cross-dress compulsively, or who spread jam on their body, or who sexualize every situation are driven by the same avoidance of painful feelings as people who use less secret medicators like alcohol or work.
7. The COUNTRY AND WESTERN TRANSYLVANIA LOVE SONG is about a teen-age werewolf who has an uncontrollable "urge to roam". It covers dating, flirting, the excitement and danger of getting caught in a forbidden embrace, fighting and the emotional high drama that happens when we create a crises. Bob’s two-timing is not uncommon dating behavior, and when Hattie decides to shoot him with a silver bullet for his own good, claiming it’s because she loves him, it’s an example of the all or nothing black and white thinking exhibited by many adult children of alcoholics. This is romance addiction at it’s finast.
8. “But I’m only DOIN' IT FOR YOU” is always a questionable statement. Male behavior is often focused on getting female approval. So when men perform, and women don’t respond appropriately, men get hurt and angry and blame. The line "so I only hit you once!" generates laughter from an audience, but it’s always an uncomfortable laugh. We laugh because it’s unexpected and because there’s such a huge flaw in the singer's logic, but we know that domestic violence is a very serious problem. In this country, there’s a rape every nine minutes, and a beating every 30 seconds. Unfortunately, if we’re not the ones doing it, and not the ones it's happening to, we remain silent.
9. I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND DEAR is about breaking off an affair with a laptop. Some of us use work to avoid painful feelings. We medicate by working compulsively and accomplishing things, even though we may be dying inside from loneliness. We feel that "if we can just get enough control of the world around us, we can make everything work out just right." Obsessive romance and "falling in love" are powerful medicators, and we can actually have an “affair” with our work to avoid facing some of the painful realities of our relationships at home.
10. MAN OH MAN I CAN is a silly song, but it’s great for bringing up issues about objectification of women, communication difficultiies, fear of closeness, blaming, masturbation, jealousy and parental criticism. Having a plastic or wooden significant other certainly makes it clear who’s in charge of the relationship, doesn’t it! Finding a partner who doesn’t mind if we’re always in control, and keeping our focus on sex and love and romance helps us avoid feeling lonely, but it doesn’t solve our problems. We find ourselves stuck in a relationship where we’re merely existing, not really living.
11. LISTS is about falling in love and becoming compulsive and obsessive about another person. "Falling in love" is an altered state of mind, not unlike being drugged. It may be helpful to ask ourselves if we are "growing in love" with someone, which implies all of the difficult parts of building a relationship that has emotional safety, as well as caring and sexual intimacy. Compulsive list-making can bring a loving relationship to it’s knees. When we feel we MUST follow a list and complete everything, we may have lost sight of why the list was made in the first place.
12. WHEN YOU ASK ME FIRST chronicles a man’s difficulty with relinquishing control in the bedroom. Being on the receiving end of someone else’s passion can be a humbling and upsetting experience, but if someone wants to make love with us, we must be desireable, right? This song’s good for discussing expectations, control, and individual preferences.
PETER COMMENTS ON THE SONGS
1. GOOD TIME is a story about a pick up in a bar. It’s played out every night in thousands of cities around our country. She’s married, and even though he “scores”, he still feels empty. Sex makes us feel better, even if it's only a temporary fix. The chase and game of seduction can become a way of life. We fantasize and are constantly "on the make" in search of someone who can give us the relief we want. Pornography and the secret meetings that end up in bed make us feel alive and validated. If we can get someone else to "go all the way" with us, then we must be okay. As with other addictive behaviors, eventually we need larger more powerful doses.
2. It’s eye-opening to see the resistance some audiences have to singing along in public with IT’S MY PENIS. It brings up masturbation, abusive power, shame and guilt and alienation. I had an ad lib that went, “If you’re uncomfortable singing this word, well, that’s okay. You could practice, just roll it around in your mouth a little, see how it feels!” Friends said that was too extreme and that people wouldn’t use the song at all if I did it. I make note of it here to illustrate the depth to which this negativity about penises runs. One of the worst epithets men use is to call someone else a “cocksucker!”, while the ability to do that well is seen as a desireable virtue in a female partner. Our penis is as much a part of our body as our finger, but it’s so loaded with symbolism that it doesn’t have much of a chance to just be.
3. DON’T PUT YOUR HAND IN MY PANTS, JUST ‘CAUSE WE’RE IN LOVE is a favorite song of teens. It’s about setting boundaries and speaking up for ourselves. This too is a good song for singing in a group. I’m hoping someday to see a high school football band do It for the half-time show.
4. LOOK AT THE CEILING is written from the point of view of a young girl who dissociates during her abuse in order to survive. Incest leaves scars we can't see. As with other sexual crimes in this country, victims often feel guilty about having been involved. This song is used in treatment programs, classes, training workshops, and in private practice to help survivors unlock feelings. It’s an on-going struggle to learn how to recover from this kind of emotional trauma. What seems to help the most is contact with other survivors who have learned some healthy skills for coping successfully.
5. LOVE IS THE ONLY MEDICINE is about healing from the abusive relationships. We stay in unpleasant situations, because at least we know what to expect. We need love to heal our emotional injuries, but we also need a "safety net" of people to support us. There’s an important connection between our emotional state and our physical health. Love is an essential ingredient for a sense of self worth and wellness, healthy immune system, and the maintenance of a balanced life.
6. MY BODY has beern used in self-protection programs for kids on three continents. It’s saved kids’ lives. It teaches children that they can be the stewards of their own bodies, and that there are things they can do to protect themselves and keep themselves safe and healthy. This includes eating healthy food, getting enough exercise and being careful about doing things which are risky or dangerous. In many child abuse cases the children did not realize that they had the right to say "NO!" or to ask for help. It’s an important messge for all ages and even for other species. Animal rights activists used this song for a “Save The Whales” benefit. “My teeth were made to chew food just like yours, not to be scrimshawed and sold in your stores!” The kid’s version is preceeded by the adult version which focuses on reproductive rights.
7. The LETTER TO MR. BROWN lists a number of ways teachers can touch children appropriately. It also models an honest and healthy negotiation between the kids and their teacher. They noticed a change in his behavior, and rather than ignore or discount their "funny feelings", they write him a letter and talk about it openly. We don't get into trouble for touching children appropriately. We get into trouble for touching inappropriately! When kids aren’t touched appropriately, they're more susceptible to inappropriate touching! We need to know we’re worthwhile, and touching lets us know that in a way that no words can convey. A child looking for a caring hug should never have to be confused by a goal-oriented sexual caress.
8. We always have the right to BACK UP! There are times when we struggle to get ourselves into a situation, only to find that it’s uncomfortable once we’re there. Being alive is a series of attempts and mistakes, mixed in with our successes. This is a good reminder for kids, and for adults who especially hate making mistakes. It might also be useful to remember this when dating, so I wrote a verse for teens. “Once when I was on a date, my date said ‘it’s too hard to wait. I felt that soft tongue in my ear, so I said REAL LOUD so we both could hear. Back up, back up. You won’t shack up if you back up, back up, back up. Give yourself some slack and just get back.” If we feel like we’re headed in a direction we don’t want to go, we can back up.
9. STRANGERS teaches kids safety rules. Personal safety is important nowadays, whether you’re a school age child, a young woman on a blind date, or a man walking alone to his car at night. The principles are the same.
10. LET'S TRADE BUTTS was written with teenagers in mind. It addresses feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, shame and criticism. Most of us are never completely satisfied with how we look. We want to be taller or thinner or our hair a different color or texture, or for some body part to be bigger or smaller. Our appearance seems to be the ticket to acceptance from others. Since we admire everyone else's good qualities, why don't we just trade body parts with our friends! The grass will always look greener until we accept ourselves.
11. GIVE YOURSELF A HAND suggests that masturbation might be a healthy alternative to sexual harassment. It addresses how we act out sexually then blame it on our hormones. ("You say it's not your fault, so it's got to be your glands!") If we can lay the blame somewhere else, then we don’t have to be responsible for our behavior. Masturbation is a normal, healthy personal experience when we’re not using it compulsively to hide from painful feelings. And men are changing. We’re learning to take care of ourselves without using other people. We’re learning how to support each other and talk to each other about how we're feeling. That didn’t happen much in previous generations.
12. MY FATHER'S TOP DRAWER addresses pornography and family secrets and guilt. It brings up "condoms" in a humorous way and can be used to discuss safe sexual practices. As boys, we grow-up in a culture where pornography is a multi-million dollar industry. If sexuality is one color in the rainbow of possible human expression, some men see that band of color as 85 per cent of the rainbow! We don’t even notice the other colors when we’re so focused on sex. At the end of the song, the singer does NOT throw away his pornography, instead he tightens his security so his children won't be exposed. This is NOT politically correct behavior, but recovery doesn’t happen overnight, and gentleness begins at home. We each work on our own baggage at our own rate.